Ripped from the headlines: "Byrd to Boston"

This is the most recent photograph of new Boston acquisition, pitcher Paul Byrd

BYRD FLIES THE COOP
By Saul McNally,
Amalgamated Newspapers Staff Writer
Tuesday, Aug. 12

BOSTON -- Boston base-ball group The Red Stockings announced the acquisition of Paul Byrd, who previously manned the pitching position for the Indians franchise of Cleveland, Ohio.

The diminutive hurler, whose delivery is marked by a decidedly progressive windup motion, has a record of 7 wins and 10 losses this base-ball year, with an average of 4.53 runs allowed to swatsmen per nine innings pitched. Since the season's midway hiatus, the 37-year-old twirler has posted "wins" in all four starts, allowing a paltry 1.24 aces per nine innings.

Byrd was harangued by Boston scribes late in last season when, during a particularly sticky series between the Clevelanders and the Bostons, news emerged that the hurler had taken to imbibing whiskeys spiked with tranquilizers developed for farming animals. Few will forget the deciding game seven, when Byrd laid on the dugout steps for two innings, asking head umpire Charles S. Frazier to "milk [him] already, goddammit!"

The Bostons' bargaining chip was an unnamed player, which may be anyone from Portland AA veteran Iggy Suarez to Pawtucket lavatory janitor Ted "Buckets" Moppington.

This content courtesy and copyright (c) Amalgamated Newspapers, Sandusky, Ohio