Vapors in the batting box!

What gives, Heroes of the Hub, our flannel-clad warriors of the base-ball pitch? When you swing your ash sticks, why does it look so feeble? When you put ash on horsehide, why is it more like an ineffectual slap than a mighty clout? Why must it appear that you swoon from a case of the vapors each time the hurler deceives you with his pretzel delivery?

I am not accustomed to being stern with our local nine, but the time has come to remind our erstwhile heroes that they are men, and men who clout and produce four-ply drives with efficacy and grit! Men who make merry on the opposing squad's home-plate! Men who beguile and consternate with each new delivery of the pill!

Above all, Boston Red Stockings are men who achieve victory. Let us not forget our purpose, gentlemen.

Giving up ground to Gotham

All too suddenly, the Fenway Park that has for the first one-half of the base-ball "season" been a house of mirth and playful frivolity has become as dour and humorless as the soup salesmen on Boylston Street.

And for what reason? In what manner have the Bostons given up run after run to the Anaheims and the New Yorkers, with just a brief layover in Victory Land with a three-game thrashing of the Seattles? As we wait for the first pitch to be twirled and hurled in tonight's Boston-New York tilt, let us survey the American League: The Bostons are sandwiched like luncheon meats between league toppers Tampas and the advancing New Yorkers.

The answer, good pals, is unclear. What is clear is that the collective base-ball heroes of the Boston Red Stockings must regain their vim and vigor. Rooters from Pawtucket to Portland need to see fellows like Lil' Hands Pedroia and Jed "Square Face" Lowrie quaffing flagons of grit at each turn on the diamond. They must see clouters like The Colossus and The Wonder swatting pills into the grand-stands and bleacher areas of each ball-park the Bostons visit. And the fellows in the club-house before each match must remember why they play base-ball, a sensible game for sensible men, where morals reign and comradeship is paramount.

Regroup and redeploy, Good Boston Fighters!