High larceny on the base-paths!

After Saturday night's festival of clouts, I was curious yesterday whether we'd see another match defined by brawny four-ply drives. Fortunately, the evening's contest was a thinking-man's affair, with the two teams engaged in a chess match of fundamental base-ball. The Bostons triumphed, making it a clean sweep of the week-end tilt.

The Gothams scored in the third, but that ace was equalized the very next chapter when the Gazelle-like Ellsbury scampered home from the third sack after a long "sacrifice" rap by The Colossus. The "score" was tied, and Ellsbury's swiftness down the base-paths was just a foreshadowing of the excitement to come!

For just two chapters later, Ellsbury again was occupying on the third sack, sitting in the catbird seat as Andy "Astro" Pettitte went through his usual hurling machinations. As a southpaw, Pettitte's pretzel delivery puts the third sack in his blind spot. On one certain pitch, ol' speedy Ellsbury had wandered far from the safety of the pillow, quietly padding into a no-man's land for base-ball running men!

And then it happened: Pettitte wheeled to deliver the pill, and as his frame rotated toward the batter he glimpsed a flash of speed racing its way to home. An awkward delivery was not enough to catch ol' Jacoby, who slid under the backstop's pill-filled mitten in what is the most stupendous bit of bag burgling I ever have seen.

The surprised Rooters assembled at the park created such a joy-fueled cacophony that local constables were called to investigate the disturbance. Men cheered, the few women in attendace wept and convulsed, and children stood in awe of the bullet-like speed of our Jacoby Ellsbury.

The ambition and fortitude required to tackle such a feat is higher than most mortals every will experience, yet it is clearly something our Heroes in Flannel quaff by the flagonful before each match.

Huzzah for a week-end of victories!

The stealthy bag-burglar

As a resident of a border state, I have always kept a weather eye on our neighbors to the North. Although generally amiable, the Canadian is nonetheless a sneaky type -- all quiet footfalls developed through years of game-stalking in deep woods and selective deployment of a cryptic version of the French language.

Yet, when it suits the Canadian, he may walk freely among us and appear as American as any Tom, Dick or Harry you’d meet at the local tavern. Thus, in this manner, he maintains his secret Canadian posture -- Listening. Observing. Waiting.

It is precisely those characteristics that allowed Jason “Argonaut” Bay to startle the opposing Baltimores -- and all Rooters! -- during Saturday evening’s contest.

It was the third frame, three “runs” already made when “Yukon” Youkilis blasted a four-ply drive. Bay, the steady stick-man, achieved a free pass to the first pillow. Without hesitation, he seized upon his opponents’ slumbering and hurtled himself down the base-path. The backstop hurled the pill, but too late! Bay had burgled the second bag!

“What’s this?” I asked myself over the sound of joyous cheers on the wireless, “I never took the Argonaut for a sack-snatcher!”

Indeed, the Argonaut burgled only 10 bags in all of last season. Still, his selective approach and unremitting stealth placed him in position to complete his circuit when “Two-bags” Lowell connected for a “single” during his at-bat.

It is through such gamesmanship that the Bostons can vanquish their formidable rivals in the Eastern Division of the American League. Yes, the full-circuit clout has immediate effect, but it is just as important to fabricate “runs” through savvy base-running. A tip of my bowler hat to you, “Sneaky J.”

The return of "Two Bags" Lowell!

Our intrepid third bagger, Mikey "Two Bags" Lowell, returned to the pitch for the first time in game duty this young season after suffering with a bum hip for much of the Red Stocking's last campaign.

What a relief to see him stretching his once-balky joints along the playing field! What a delight to see his Florida-bred swing slice through the rarefied citrus-scented air of the Peninsula State!

And to heap even more pleasure on the proceedings, Two Bags struck well in his batting stance, heaving the horsehide over the 'tween-bagger's head and into the out-field grass. Huzzah, Two Bags!

His nimble feet were not to be tested to-day as Skipper T. Francona substituted a yannigan base-runner as his replacement. However, I hope to witness old Two Bags reach the bases and even burgle a sack to put his repaired hip through its paces. Then I will certainly be assured that the redoubtable Two Bags will assume his proper placement at the "hot" corner.

Spring continues, and hope springs eternal, dear Rooters!

Colossal Clouts, Fleet Feet Propel the Nine to Unlikely Victory!

The evening’s contest began with the scales tipped precipitously against the Bostons. Capt. Varitek was still suffering from the ague, and would miss his second consecutive contest. Then, top hurler Gen. Beckett had to recuse himself from his mound-helming duties with a sudden case of the crick-neck!

Skipper Francona had no alternative but to hand the sphere to yannigan twirler Murphy and hope his bats-men could keep the Bostons alive for nine frames. His boys accepted the challenge with aplomb, collecting 16 hits and 7 “runs” for the victory!

Not a single team-member shirked his duty, yet the heroes of the evening were clear: “Navajo” Jac Ellsbury, one of the game’s true speed-artists, proved there is as much clout in his bat as wind in his feet by twice smashing the pill over the fences. “Li’l Hands” Pedroia was no less impressive following Ellsbury’s turns in the batter’s box, getting two-baggers in triplicate!

And on a night when the Los Angelenos were alert for the swift Ellsbury to attempt an extra base by stealth, Pedroia surprised all when he leapt from the first corner and burgled a bag! Well played, Li’l Hands.