Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Prayer for The Colossus

A grim day in Rooter Nation, as the battle-weary base-ball men return to Boston from Baltimore and the end of what seemed like an inexorable cross-country odyssey. The Colossus, David Ortiz, was reported to have a sort of tubular malfunction in the wrist area that will require a prolonged vacation.

The news must have reached the Bostons by last night's eighth inning, certainly immediately following a joyous rally that led to a one-plate "lead" on the Baltimores. But that rally was for naught as Hideki "The Shadow" Okajima laid damp noodle after damp noodle across the batting area, allowing for hit after hit (and a difficult-to-swallow "walk"), eventually culminating in a two-bagger that cleared the Oriole-clogged base-paths.

The outing was the worst our Hero in the Dark had experienced in the Land of Plenty. But we mustn't judge his hurling abilities, for it was certain that the real culprit behind his musty delivery was the news that his hulking and heroic team-mate, The Colossus, was not to rejoin the team for some time.

Indeed, it will be of no surprise should all of the Royal Rooters in Boston and compass points beyond approach their jobs without full focus, as the health of The Colossus is surely weighing on every mind from Methuen to Machias. It surely is on the brains of both Hurdy Chadwick and my esteemed colleague Stuffy McInnes.

Here's hoping regular treatment and routine tonics of Duffy's Pure Malt Whiskey will cure whatever ails The Mighty Colossus.

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